LEFT: Cheeky Monkey, Newport, RI; Photography: Ron Manville

The Party Before the Party

As guests travel increasing distances, the wedding day has evolved into the wedding weekend. Consequently, the rehearsal dinner has grown to include not only the wedding party but also all out-of-town guests.

The dinner is traditionally hosted by the groom's family. Temptation beckons to "pull out all the stops" and impress their own guests as well as the bride's family. However, giving in to that temptation may "upstage" the wedding by turning the rehearsal dinner into a formal, grand celebration out-shining the real thing. Rehearsal dinners are best left as a time the two families meet and break the ice. The most successful dinners are those in which the guests relax, talk to each other and have fun.

"Rehearsal dinners should feel very different from weddings," Linda Matzkin of Hopple Popple in Newton, Massachusetts, explained. "You do more fun things." Matzkin has found the most popular parties are barbecues and clambakes. She has arranged these parties at homes, museums, formal ballrooms, aboard boats tied up in Boston Harbor, at conference centers with a view, airplane hangers and actual restaurants.

Matzkin sees the rehearsal dinner as the time for amateur entertainment that focuses on the bridal couple. She recommends edited home movies and skits, poems or songs by friends. Time needs to be set aside for toasts, anecdotes and shared memories. A book in which guests can inscribe special thoughts can be prominently displayed.

To stay focused on the wedding couple, she recommends an arrangement where guests, once served, remain seated throughout the evening. Limiting professional entertainment to background music also helps keep the focus on the couple. Themes that reflect the couple's background, hobbies or special interests can add an exciting and personal touch.

In some locations like Newport, Rhode Island, clambakes and barbecues also take place on the beach, on piers and on sailboats. Some companies arrange parties on an island to which guests are brought by boat. Matzkin however warns that weather can pose a serious liability to this type of party. She recommends only choices that have built-in contingency plans for storms.

One Newport, Rhode Island, restaurant, The Cheeky Monkey, has become a popular place for rehearsal dinners because of its unique decor and serving style. The appetizer, entre and dessert are all served tapas style with each guest sampling tiny portions of a carefully balanced menu encompassing many individual and unusual items with complimentary flavors and textures.

"People come together over food," Maggie Gordon of the Cheeky Monkey noted. "There aren't any of us who don't say, 'Let me taste that!' Food provides common ground for talking among strangers. The very interactive meal promotes camaraderie. People begin talking about themselves, their memories and likes and dislikes." Gordon notices the parties coming together the moment the food...

for the complete article